Let me guess.
You’ve had a strange feeling of dissatisfaction for a while; a feeling that can’t leave you alone no matter how hard you try to ignore it.
You feel undervalued in life. You feel as if you were meant for more than this, as if your purpose were hiding in plain sight. Many times, you’ve asked yourself, “Is this all there is to life?”
Well, the good news is that life can be so much more exciting and fulfilling than you could even begin to imagine.
The bad news is that it won’t just fall in your lap. You have to work for it. And it all begins with the realization that you are worthy of success.
Let’s jump in!
People who feel undervalued in life but don’t know their worth usually display these 7 behaviors.
Other people’s opinions of us are of incredible value. They help us recognize whether our thoughts and actions are in alignment, get to know ourselves better, and grow as people.
However, some of us don’t realize that no matter what others say, our own opinion is ultimately what matters most.
When I was younger, I decided I would one day move abroad and become a writer. Almost no one believed me.
If I listened to the voices back then – “You’re such a naïve dreamer, things like that don’t happen to people like you” – I would have probably stayed in my home town, unhappy and stagnating.
Instead, I chose to believe in myself. Years later, here I am, writing for a living in a foreign country.
The number one reason I made it through is that I knew my worth. I believed I deserved to succeed, and so I went ahead and did it.
Your self-perception is incredibly powerful. Better make it a positive one.
Deep down, your intuition knows where you’re supposed to be headed. It knows what’s right for you.
Too often, we ignore it. Too often, we think we’re just deluding ourselves, rationalizing our gut feelings away and blocking it all out.
Especially so if we don’t know our worth.
All those little nudges and urges and dreams you have?
They’re trying to tell you something.
You may think that building a business is nothing but a fleeting dream seeing as you don’t have any business degree and have never even done your own taxes, but the truth is that you are capable of so much more than you realize.
My fourteen-year-old self wanted to be a full-time writer in a language she barely knew. That didn’t stop her. She learned and worked and kept going, and I am eternally grateful that she listened to her intuition and followed her dreams.
If it feels right, there is nothing stopping you. Any obstacle can be overcome if you’re creative and resourceful enough.
And you are. You just need to believe in yourself a little bit more.
Another behavior that people who don’t know their worth commonly display is that they view their feelings as an imposition on other people’s happiness rather than a valid reaction that deserves to be addressed.
Take my friend (let’s call him Jake), for example.
Jake is an amazing human and I love him to bits, but every time he runs into an issue in his romantic relationships, he bottles his feelings and struggles to open up about the problem at hand because he’s worried he will come across as a “drama queen”.
He would rather stay quiet and grow bitter than talk about his feelings with his partners.
When he does manage to open up, he says “sorry” about a hundred times.
Deep down, he doesn’t perceive his emotions as something valid and worthy of attention.
Deep down, he only wants to bring joy to other people’s lives, and when he doesn’t meet those impossible expectations, he curses himself for failing so miserably.
The problem here is that overapologizing for your feelings doesn’t only invalidate your emotional experience but it also makes the situation more difficult to handle for the other person.
Why?
It means they have two issues on their hands: the valid reason why you’re upset and the fact that you constantly need a confidence boost in order to own your feelings and discuss them without excessive apologies.
The first is completely okay. The latter not so much.
And speaking of confidence boosts…
If someone reminds you that your feelings are worthy of attention, you may feel reassured in the moment, but a few days later, the doubts will trickle back in.
If someone gives you a compliment or praises you for a recent accomplishment, you might feel on top of the world – hurray, your importance in this world was reconfirmed once more! – only to return to the status quo and feel insecure again the week after.
And yet you keep repeating the same pattern, unsure of how to break the cycle.
Thus the struggle of people who don’t know their worth – they continually seek validation from external sources, be it through career success, romantic relationships, or competitions, and yet they always end up feeling dissatisfied.
And why is that, you may ask?
Because true validation never comes from the outside. It can only be built within – and that requires a great deal of self-love.
And that brings us to the next point: self-care.
If you feel severely undervalued in life, here’s a question for you: Do you value yourself? And do you take concrete steps to show yourself love?
Do you take a break when you need it? Do you look after yourself in ways that make you feel cared for? Do you invest enough time into your hobbies and projects that make you feel alive?
Do you force yourself to go outside your comfort zone because you know that it is only through uncomfortable growth that we reach unimaginable happiness?
We radiate the energy we allow in, and the other way around.
If you constantly doubt yourself, don’t put enough effort into looking after yourself, and always prioritize other people, you are attracting the same kind of energy from the world around you.
You are overflowing with love. It’s time to fill your own cup.
Let’s talk standards.
People who don’t know their worth tend to surround themselves with those who will either take advantage of them, not give them what they need, or have the same kind of mindset.
And that’s because they think in terms of scarcity rather than abundance.
“I guess this toxic friendship is the best life has to offer.”
“My partner doesn’t love me the way I need, but I doubt anyone would love me better, so I’ll stay.”
“I don’t think I can be as successful as those people on social media. That kind of stuff doesn’t happen to people like me.”
The truth is that life does have more amazing friendships in store for you, that there are plenty of people who would love nothing more than to give you the whole world, and that this kind of stuff absolutely does happen to people like you because you are in charge of what it means to be “a person like you”.
If you continue to focus on scarcity (“I’ll take what I can get”), your standards will remain low, and your life will reflect that.
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If you embrace abundance (“I deserve the best things in life and I won’t settle for what doesn’t serve me”), though… that’s when you’re truly giving yourself a chance at living an incredible life.
Finally, people who don’t know their worth tend to invalidate not only their feelings but also their achievements.
Oh, that book you wrote? Not a big deal, right?
And what about that degree you worked hard for? Really, it’s just a silly little piece of paper, it’s not like the degree was even that useful…
Stop right there.
Your hard work deserves to be appreciated, and if you want other people to respect you, you first need to respect yourself.
So, to sum it up, I have bad news and good news.
The bad news is that it all starts with you, which means you actually have to put in effort in order to improve your life.
The good news is that it all starts with you, which means you are in charge of how your life will turn out.
You have power. Use it.
